I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
