I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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