well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
