Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
