I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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