I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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