god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
