if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
