Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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