someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
