You made me cry and you don't even care
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
