This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
