It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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