the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
