I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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