You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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