She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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