I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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