I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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