it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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