Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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