Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
