you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
