i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
