I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
