so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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