Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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