so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
