Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
