Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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