I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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