No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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