Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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