I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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