Already got asked if we're dating
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
