That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
