I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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