I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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