I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
