Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
