so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
