the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
