Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
