She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
