New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
