In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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