Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
