if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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