I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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