Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
