Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
