Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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