I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
