I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
