They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
