I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize