Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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