I am in a vortex of obligation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
